Selective Mutism: How Parents Can Help Their Child Speak

Selective Mutism: Helping Your Child Find Their Voice

As a parent, there isn’t anything quite as heartbreaking as watching your child retreat into silence in situations that are seemingly easy for others. When a child speaks at home but goes silent in public or at school, this may be the cause of selective mutism. But what is it exactly, and how can a parent help their child live with and through it?

What is Selective Mutism?

Selective mutism is a type of anxiety disorder in which a child, while otherwise having developed the ability to speak, has lost their ability to speak in given social settings. Many such children exhibit everyday speech and language when they are at home but become mute in specific situations, such as at school or with people they are not well acquainted with. It is not a matter of choice or defiance; rather, it is an overwhelming fear of not being able to speak under those conditions.

Why does this happen? Selective mutism can often be the result of extreme social anxiety. For a child with SM, speaking in specific situations is perceived as a danger, and this danger elicits a fight-or-flight response, which presents itself as silence. They aren’t just shy—it’s intense fear that can cripple their functionality in various situations that we find pretty ordinary.

Signs to Watch For

The early identification of selective mutism is important in its management. This may present in various ways, such as:

Your child usually speaks at home but not anywhere else, such as at school or around friends.
They may use gestures, such as pointing or nodding, to indicate what they want instead of using speech in certain situations.
They isolate and avoid situations that will include speaking.
Some children may develop symptoms of anxiety, like stomachaches or headaches, prior to specific social interactions.

The Emotional Burden Upon Parents and Children

This is such an isolating disorder for the child and for the parents. Sometimes, one feels helpless or that teachers and peers are not understanding the child’s silence. With SM, kids are often frustrated and embarrassed by their inability to communicate, which makes them even more anxious.

You could feel that it is all your fault as a parent, or that something is lacking in your child’s upbringing. Rest assured that selective mutism can never be caused by flawed parenting. The first step to finding a way out is to realize your child is not refusing to speak but, rather, simply cannot speak.

What Parents Can Do to Help

Here’s some good news: with the right kind of intervention, kids can overcome selective mutism. Here’s how you can start:

1. Establish a Supportive Environment at Home

Be sure your home offers an environment where your child feels no pressure to talk about anything; make them feel safe. Praise small successes and never punish them for their silence. Have open conversations about how they might feel in these situations without compelling them to talk.

2. Seek Professional Help

The good news is that selective mutism is treatable, and the earlier the treatment, the better. A child psychologist or speech therapist with experience in SM should work with your child to develop coping strategies to deal more effectively with anxiety in social situations. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective forms of treatment for SM.

Collaborate with your child’s school to make the environment as accommodating as possible. Teachers can minimize pressure by not insisting on verbal responses initially. You can work out a step-by-step plan to help your child get comfortable speaking at school, which may prove very helpful.

This must be given in low-pressure situations, starting with small, non-threatening gatherings with trusted friends or family members. Once this particular group becomes comfortable for the child, the social group can gradually increase. The key is to minimize fear related to speaking, rather than to force the issue.

5. Build Confidence Through Gradual Exposure

An effective strategy involves gradual exposure, where the child is exposed to social situations in a gentle manner that makes them less intimidating. Starting in comfortable environments is a good starting point, before gradually increasing exposure to more challenging situations. Small, manageable steps help decrease the fear associated with speaking.

With time, persistence, and the right help, your child will learn to overcome their fears, and in its place, a unique voice that is entirely their own will emerge.

If you would like more insight into parenting strategies and support, visit Pinardin for helpful resources.